Lord, thank you for my girls who bring the simplest joy to my life and warm my heart. Today Abigail and Madison were playing together as Bill started dinner and I put stuff away from the store. I kept poking my head in and just watching them, they didn't know I was there. Precious times. Abigail was teaching Madison what a plate was and showing her items from her picnic set and naming the items for her. Madison was smiling ear to ear loving every bit of her play time with big sister Abigail! I pray they always adore each other like this.
Abigail made brownies for the first time tonight! Immediately she took charge and reached for the bag of brownie mix and poured it in the bowl! I let her put the water in and stir, but she got all excited when the eggs came out! She must watch Bill make her eggs because she was trying to crack them and shake the egg in the bowl! Together we did the rest but she most definitely is a natural and approaches everything she does with such concentration and perfection! Most definitely a melancholy with a love language of quality time!
Tonight as we were enjoying the brownies (homemade by Abigail) I started to cry. I think just everything is a bit overwhelming and I've reached my capacity to contain it all. We have many changes coming this month and another heart surgery in the near future (unless God chooses to miraculously heal Madison Grace). Abigail was looking at Bill and Bill said "sad, Mommy is sad" so Abigail said "sad" and wipes the tears from my face with a sad face of her own. She is such a loving, sweet little girl. My pumpkin munchkin! It just makes me think of this precious child who is Christ's hand extended wiping the tears from my face. I just need to give it all to him. I can't control any of this from our business issues that keep popping up, my job, being a Mom, wife, my sweet Madison who has health issues. Lord I just lay it at your feet because I most certainly can't do it on my own! Just when we thought things were settling down and getting into a routine, it's like a whirlwind of "things" just happened. For example in just 4 days (and this doesn't include the past month of events with news from the cardiologist, a major account moving out of our area--greatly effecting our income, and so much more) our fridge dies (less than 12 hours before hurricane Sandy) and we need Madison's medications refrigerated and my milk for her, 2 of our trees hit our neighbors SUV during the storm smashing the windshield and damaging the hood pretty bad (thankfully no one was hurt), on our way to get the chain saw from a friends our 2011 minivan dies on the highway (thankfully we made it to the side of the highway safely). As we wait for AAA Abigail throws up. Poor thing, never throws up! The next day Bill slices his thumb to the bone while putting the crib together! We get more news about some accounts that may be switching companies, again greatly effecting our income! I can't seem to find my USB that has all our financial reports that I created to help us talk things through (hours and hours of work) along with some party planning stuff for Abigail's party. Just adding fuel to the fire and stress.
My little joys! As I was shopping at BJ's Bill sent me a text of Abigail (see below). The caption was "Hi mommy. Daddy said not to get off the bed. So I was having a fit and testing if he meant it. So I passed out with my feet and legs hanging off the bed."
While Abigail was napping, Bill got a few pictures of Madison for me. What a sweetheart she is! She is making new noises and is sitting up so tall on her own. Her favorite toy is her g-tube mickey extension She loves to try to pull it out! YIKES! :-) Today she did incredible at crawling backwards. Got very far even being hooked up to her feeding tube! She definitely is learning that if she cries she can get attention. She will start to cry and as soon as you come near, all smiles and if you pick her up watch out she gets really excited and attacks your face with wet kisses!
Lord, I lay it all at your feet because I am just speechless and so need you! I bumped into several people that I knew at BJs today which was kind of funny. I took the day off from work because we were suppose to visit family in NY to meet Madison. But it was canceled and we figured we'd try to get some things in order before Bill returns to work and I go back to part time for a little bit. Still not sure when this is happening but this month for sure. The last person I bumped into in the parking lot was a dear friend who knew me when I was taking care of my Grandmother who had dementia. Before parting she gave me a huge hug and I just didn't want to let go and just kept weeping. She just hugged me and said "I know you've been through a lot. It was probably all preparation for where you are today." All I could do was cry. She understood, she didn't preach at me or lecture me...just understood and hugged me. I am not a big touch feely person but her hug and the hug of my girls just helps me right now.
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